Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday. I turn 30. I can honestly say that, while I knew it was going to happen, I always felt like it was so far away. And then it happened. Just like that.

So far, many people have quipped, “you’re turning 21 today, right?” I laugh, but it makes me think, “Why do we care so much about 30?” After all, it’s just a number. And I don’t want to be 21. I am in a much better place now than I was at 21. To me, it’s not the aging that scares me—it’s allowing time to pass with nothing to show for it that is terrifying.

My 20’s were a time of miraculous growth and change. I spent the first eight years of my adult life living in a completely different environment and culture than the one I had grown up. I got married, had three kids, bought two separate houses, had multiple jobs, finished one degree and started another, and drank a lot of Dr. Pepper. I also grew personally—a lot. Especially in this last year.

I have read many articles that talk about things you should do in your 20’s. Most of them have things like, “travel” and “do something crazy.” Basically, the overall message is, “Embrace your youth. It doesn’t last long.” And that’s fine. They’re exactly right. Youth doesn’t last forever. But we could be doing more in that time.

In thinking about my own 20’s experience and what I would recommend what people in their 20’s do, it would come down to one theme: Grow up.  Your 20’s are your time when you still have the energy of youth, but you also have your brain developed enough that you can actually make rational choices. Don’t waste that youthful energy doing dumb things. Use it to move your life forward and in the right direction.

Here is my list of things that I feel, based on my own experience, everyone should do in their 20’s:

1. Move away from home. I mean far away. By yourself. And if not forever, at least for a few years. You learn how to meet new people and how to take care of yourself when you spend time away from home. You also learn to appreciate all that your family has done for you. College is a great time to do this, but for some, that may be too soon. You also learn the culture of that new area and how to assimilate, which is an incredibly valuable skill.
2. Learn to express gratitude, and do so often. Learn to see beyond yourself and to discover how many people help you along this crazy highway of life. Tell people “thank you” early and often. But don’t just say it: actually mean it. Be grateful. List out the things you are grateful for daily.
3. Discover what it is you love to do, and find a way to make money doing it. This is tough because we may have passions that, quite frankly, aren’t really needed in our society. If you absolutely love building medieval trebuchets, good for you, but I don’t know if there is much of a market for that. But what you can do is find a way to make it work. The sweet spot is the intersection between your passion and society need. So maybe we don’t need trebuchets, but you can use your skill and knowledge to do something we need. Be an entrepreneur. Take risks. Be your own boss. Partner with good people and do something great. And if someone else is already doing something you love, work with them. If you don’t love what you’re doing, do something about it. You’re a grown-up, after all.
4. Move past your past, especially if it was painful. For many people, adolescence is not great. There are fun things about high school and those early life experiences, but it can be really challenging for some, especially if you experienced mental illness, abuse, or other serious issues. Learn to realize that you have two choices: you can either dwell on those problems or you can do something about it. As an adult, you are not confined to the choices your parents have made for you anymore, so you can make your own choices. I have worked with many teenagers with serious mental health issues and their parents refused to get them treatment. Once you’re an adult, you can choose to get your own treatment. But you have to learn to make that choice for yourself. If you don’t like something about your past, do something about it.
5. Learn to form meaningful relationships, and learn to ditch those who drag you down. School is tough because we are forced to spend all this time with people who just happen to be our same age and live in our same area. There are also social expectations that may cause you to be friends with people whom you don’t really get along. Learn to be discerning about the friends you allow close into your life. I have never understood people who would say terrible things about their friends to others but then hang out with them like nothing is wrong. If you find yourself doing this (or things like this), figure it out: is it something with me, or is it something with him/her? If it’s you, change it. If it’s him/her, ditch that person. You don’t need negative people in your life.
6. Start saving and avoid debt. You will really start to form a lifelong of money habits during this decade. Even if you’re not making much money, learn to live on less so that you can save. Live within your means, and don’t go into unnecessary debt. This includes for school. Do what you can to find scholarships or work. Or go to less-expensive schools. Take out as little debt as possible. Your 40-year-old self will thank you.
7. Learn to really be your authentic you. This goes with everything else. Be you, and accept you! Don’t change who you are to gain the approval of others. Enter your 30’s with a sense of confidence and appreciation for your 20’s instead of regret of aging. Life moves forward; enjoy the ride.